“Move I'm gay."

Happy Pride month to my LGBTQAI+ NICU fam! Since 1999, June has been recognized as pride month in honor of the Stonewall Riots in 1969. Recently, there has been a term coined the “GAYby boom” recognizing the increasing number of lesbian and gay couples wanting to have children of their own. 

With that said, here some important things to keep in mind with LGBTQIA+ parents in our NICU and ways you can further educate yourself to give more personalized & compassionate care to this community🏳️‍🌈

First, it is important to know that the process of having a baby for same sex couples is NOT simple. LGBTQAI+ couples desiring to have children face stigma and social bias from both the legal and healthcare system. Also, having a bay via in-vitro fertilization or via a surrogate can be a daunting, time consuming, and costly endeavor. Think of your heteronormative parents who had the BEST prenatal care and “did everything right.” Yet, their child still ended up in the NICU. Whether it be from cooling or an abruption, things happen during pregnancy. Put yourself in the shoes of our LGBTQAI+ parents, though while uncommon, their babies can end up in our NICU just like any other. Their journey may have just been more daunting than others. 

Aside from having to deal with the social pressures of non-heteronormative parenthood, the couple now faces the extra stress from one of the most “hidden” units of the hospital: the NICU. Whether the infant was premature and lays in an isolette, or term on a cooling blanket, or even admitted for maternal intra-amniotic infection and needs antibiotics, every NICU journey is unique regardless of acuity. 

Same sex parents are different from the social norm, and it is okay to recognize that. However, it is important to make sure they feel welcomed inside our small world just like any other parent. Lingo surrounding the LGBTQAI+ is a common fear of many. As a gay man myself, when in doubt, just ask in a respectful manner. When two dads are at bedside, address them as such. Ask how the bay will address them individually (i.e. dad, daddy, or some other name!). As with any parent, ask if they want to do skin to skin! Remember: paternal skin to skin is a big topic in the maternal-child world now! 

Many medical charting systems are now not only asking for the preferred pronouns of not only patients, but family members! If someone in the LGBTQAI+ community corrects you for misusing their pronouns, try not to see it as a “mistake” but as a learning opportunity. 

For my fellow NICU besties, my advice to you this month is to further educate yourself on the culture surrounding our LGBTQAI+ families. Attend a pride event or become more familiar with our lingo! The human rights campaign (HRC) has a glossary of terms commonly used in the LGBTQAI+ community. Remember as nurses, we are to NEVER stop learning.

As for my LGBTQAI+ fam who may have landed in the NICU: Welcome. I see you. I hear you. Never forget to speak up for yourself. If someone misuses your pronouns, correct them in a constructive way. If you prefer the more inclusive term “chest feeding,” let it be known. Parents are a valuable education resource for us working in the NICU. Stay strong, and happy pride month. 

Xoxo 

Gabriel Hutson, MN, RN, RNC-NIC, C-ELBW, C-NNIC

He/Him